Pop-Ups, Screen Passes, and Slap Shots

Well, it seems our old friend Adam "Pacman" Jones has been a bad boy once again.  For those of you who don't know let's just say he drank too much and beat up his bodyguard while the man was taking a piss (why do they call it taking a piss when we are not actually taking a piss, we are leaving it).  Pacman received a lenient 4 game suspension from NFL Commish Roger Goodell.  Now, it appears he is looking into alcohol treatment centers.  I wonder if he is checking into the one that serves alcohol.  I can just imagine Pacman now sitting on his couch, thoroughly confused about why he got suspended and wondering why alcohol treatment centers don't have alcohol.  Some people just don't have any luck...or they are dumber than tackling dummies.

Congrats to the Phillies for becoming the team who will get beaten in the World Series.  All kidding aside, I wouldn't mind seeing them win to make Mets fans cry...again.

Remember when Michigan and Florida State were perennial powerhouses?  Well, Florida State might be making a comeback but I don't know if Michigan will be coming around any time soon.  Did they ever find a head coach?

The reason Reggie Bush has not become the game breaking back most thought he would be?  Well, Kim Kardashian comes to mind.  I wouldn't want to play football either if she were at home.  

If you turned off the Rays-Red Sox game, or if you left the game early, you missed a hell of a comeback.  I hate to admit it but the Red Sox don't know when to die.  They need to learn.  Teach 'em Rays.  Oh crap, who am I kidding.  That looks terrible.  The Rays?  Are we f-ing serious?  If the Red Sox come back in this series I am going to kick Pacman Jones in the balls when he is drunk and deal with the consequences.  Is this team even human?  Well, let me be cordial to all my Red Sox fan friends: go to hell!  Just kidding, but don't call me if the Red Sox win...no seriously.  I know Pacman and I will send him to your house with a case of 40's and tell him to wait until you're taking (or leaving) a leak.

It's been 15 minutes, did Pacman get suspended again?  Is he even sober yet?

OK, you're right, it is not nice to make fun of people with alcohol problems.  It's more fun to push them down when they're drunk or tell them Terry Francona just told them to go play shortstop.

Do you think the Roy Williams' on the Cowboys will pretend to be the other one and confuse Wade Phillips?  It's like the Olsen twins only they aren't twins, don't look alike, are not anorexic, and have the same name.  Oh, and they know nothing about Heath...nah, I'm not going there.

Doctors are baffled about Eddy Curry's illness.  What could have caused him to be so sick?  He woke up from the offseason and was still a Knick...with Stephon Marbury.  It is enough to make anyone ill.

The Major League Players Association says it can prove teams colluded on not signing Barry Bonds.  Those shocking reasons are age, legal troubles, steroids, and the desire to keep a clubhouse one room. I wish the MLBPA would open their eyes and realize Barry Bonds is over 40 years old and carries more baggage than Fed Ex.  Of course teams aren't going to sign him.  

The Yankees are rumored to be chasing Jake Peavy, the ace of the Padres who has a full no trade clause.  I think the Yankees are going to offer Ian Kennedy, Robinson Cano, and Melky Cabrera, and one other prospect.  Maybe even sub Phil Hughes for Ian.  Still, I don't think Peavy ends up a Yankee.  Instead, I see the Yankees re-signing Mike Mussina and Andy Pettitte, and signing C.C. Sabathia or A.J. Burnett.  The Yankee rotation would be Sabathia or Burnett, Mussina, Joba Chamberlain, Pettitte, and Chien Ming Wang.  But who knows, I would love Peavy in Yankee Stadium.

I am so anxious for the start of the baseball offseason I am hoping the two teams in the World Series agree to decide the World Series by 7 games of Rock, Paper, Scissors.  I can't wait to see what old, out of shape players the Yankees are going to get this time around.  

The Rangers are off to a 5-1 start.  The only thing this means is they will probably make the playoffs.  I do like this team though.  they are younger, more athletic, and lot quicker.  There is also a drive there.  I have my sticks crossed.

I wonder who will be the number 1 team in the nation on Sunday.  Texas, the current #1, is taking on #5 Missouri.  Colt McCoy vs. Chase Daniel.  Ohhhh baBY!!!  Wouldn't it be something if Texas loses and Penn State wins big?  I don't think Penn St. has been ranked number one at any time since Joe Jurevicius was catching passes there.  Should be interesting.

There is no truth to the rumor (the one I am starting right now) that Drew Bledsoe will suit up for Washington State's game against USC this Saturday.  If he did I am sure it would be a larger spread than the 41 it is now.

Jon Kitna says the Lions are using his back injury as an excuse to bench him.  No, Jon, the Lions suck and you stink too.  

Speaking of the Lions, I wonder if they will use two first round picks this year on wide receivers.

Finally, there is a reason for me to hate Barry Uhbama even more than I already do...he is postponing the start of Game 6 of the World Series so he can air his "Barry Wants Your Vote" infomercial.  I prefer to call it a 30 minute lieathon.  Well, it is really just an excuse for me to do something productive instead of watching the World Series.